trois-cent-quarante-trois.

03Mar12

So, it turns out that the 2 and a bit years I spent single completely wiped from my head how hard relationships can be.  One minute you’re in your happy little bubble where everything’s perfect and nothing can hurt you, and the next stark reality hits, crappy situations arise or other people get in the way.  I don’t know.  Most of the time I feel like this is one of the best things that’s happened to me in a long time…  It’s just those brief moments that make you go, ‘But….’  They’re few and far between admittedly, and the boy is…amazing.  Maybe it’s just my own issues coming to the surface.  I don’t know.

On a happier note, saw my Ellie Jenkins today :)  Had a loverly lunch with her and the boy, and then wandered for a while.  Noiiiiceeee.

hana. 

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trois-cent-quarante-deux.

01Mar12

Watching the boy compose music on his laptop.  He has his headphones on so I can’t hear much of what he’s doing, but his head’s nodding away, his tongue’s poking out and he has a silly little smile on his face.

Makes me feel all warm inside :)

Nawwwww.

hana. 

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trois-cent-quarante-et-un.

28Feb12

Yesterday was a lovely day.  Met the boy from his lecture so we could go into town and buy birthday presents for one of our friends, and then we wandered home the long pretty way, stopping off for a drink by the fire in the Bell Inn.  Then we came home and curled up with a plate of cheesy chips and watched a few epis of The Pacific.  In the evening the boy played an open mic night at the Railway.  Watching him perform always puts a smile on my face.  I have a video, but if I post it on here I think he’d shout at me, even if I am just showing him off :P  He doesn’t like hearing himself sing.

Right now, he is sitting beside me eating Coco Pops with chocolate milkshake.  Big kid.

I had a little deleting fest on Facebook earlier.  So many people gone with the click of a mouse.  If only real life were so easy.

I have also ordered a certain someone’s 16th Birthday presents :D  Yays!!

hana. 

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trois-cent-quarante.

27Feb12

Pretty perfect weekend :)  The boy had some friends down from home, so Saturday was spent showing them the Winchester nightlife, or lack thereof, and on Sunday we pretty much walked Winchester.  Lovely sunny weather too.  Just couldn’t have been better really.

Also, I think we’ve realised in the last couple of days that we do have some pretty amazing friends.

Got to get on with some work this week so grateful for the amount of free time I’ve got.  And really looking forward to watching the boy performing at an open mic night tonight :)

Life is good.

hana. 

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trois-cent-trente-neuf.

25Feb12

For the most part yesterday was a good day: got one of my assignments out of the way, had a late lunch in Eastleigh Spoons with the boy, and then chilled in bed with him all evening with junk food, coke, Eurotrip and Finding Nemo.  Lovely :)

The atmosphere in this house is pretty horrible though.  Even if we have our differences now, and seem to spend most of our time pissing each other off, it’d be nice to be on civil terms with ze housemates rather than wandering about the house in awkward silence.  Have to laugh about it though; it’s that or cry, right?

hana.  

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trois-cent-trente-huit.

24Feb12

Of course, things can never just go completely right can they?  There’s always someone, or some two, there messing everything up in the background.  Honestly, I don’t think I’d care if you disappeared tomorrow and I never saw or heard from you again.  Part of me is counting down the seconds until uni is over and I never have to see your faces or hear your voices again.  Get out of my life already.

But despite your best efforts, I’m still in the bubble of the boy and me.  Now, I don’t do soppy or cheesy, especially after like…3 days.  But I think that this is a good thing.  And I’m very very happy :)   [If you laugh at me when you read this, Dan, I will make your life hell :P]  And as an added bonus, damn, my man can cook ;)  Even if it is largely experimental…

Now, I’ve got a presentation to give at 12, and I am nowhere near done with it.  And I am so tired.  Shit.

hana.

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trois-cent-trente-sept.

23Feb12

So I’m at the boy’s, and I’m actually sitting in his room doing work while everyone else gets drunk in the living room.

My mother would be so proud.

I’ve decided to give up alcohol for Lent.  I’m going to regret it very soon I think.

hana. 

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trois-cent-trente-six.

22Feb12

So, it seems the boymate has become the boyfriend :)

Little bit happy.

hana. 

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trois-cent-trente-cinq.

19Feb12

Round at the boymate’s eating junk food, drinking coke and staying up late, having achieved nothing productive at all with my day.

Clearly the vows I made in the last blog are worth absolutely nothing.

hana. 

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cinq-cent-trente-quatre.

18Feb12

I’m really not very good at being on my own.  When I got in tonight I was in a pretty good mood.  It wasn’t a great night, but it wasn’t terrible which is more than I can say for a lot of nights I spend at the SU.  And then 6 hours of sitting on my own being completely unable to sleep and my head’s all over the place again and I’m a mess.  This problem is exacerbated somewhat by the fact that there are only maybe two people in this Godforsaken hole of a city whose presence I can stand for extended periods of time right now:  one of those is the workerbee type, who shuns social gatherings and can only be coaxed out for a quick bitching session once a week before she disappears back into her world of dissertation-writing, One Tree Hill and The Sound of Music; the other I seem to spend half my time arguing with simply because, by our own admission, we bring out the very best and the very very worst in each other.  Plus he can be a bit of a prick, and I can be a psycho bitch, and one or other of us is always on the receiving end.  It saddens me that other than these two people though, there is no one here that I will be bothered about losing contact with once we graduate.  The temptation to do a purge of uni ‘friends’ from Facebook the day I move back home will I’m sure be strong, but curiosity will probably stop me in the end.  Facebook stalking is always fun, even if I have no desire to talk to the subjects.

But anyways, whilst sitting on my lonesome this evening (or rather the early hours of the morning) I have made these vows.  And I’m pretty determined to stick to them:

• I will attend every single lecture for the rest of the semester, and, once there, I will not sit and doodle song lyrics in the back of my notebook.  I will sit and listen to the lecturer (or attempt to in the case of Emiliano) and take notes that will help me to actually pass my exams in the spring.
• I will crack on with assignments and my dissertation before it all gets on top of me and turns me into a trembling mess, sitting in a corner and banging my head against the wall mumbling, ‘Whyohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy…?’
• I will stop drinking coke unless I’m out.  I’m just not going to have it in the house.  My addiction is getting to the stage where I cannot function without it, and it’s eating all my money.
• I’m going to stop living off crap.  Even if I am cooking with the boymate.  If we’re going to eat turkey dinosaurs every night then we need to at least have them with peas or something, and mash should be made with milk as well as butter so it isn’t essentially a heart attack on a plate.  (Sorry Dan :P)
• I’m not going to get drunk again until the dissertation is done and dusted.  If I’m out I will have one or two drinks, sure, but I’m done waking up hungover and getting nothing done all day because I feel like leaving my bed might just kill me.
• I’m going to (attempt) to develop some sort of sleeping pattern that isn’t just ‘nocturnal’.  Because the fact that I’m still wide awake at 6am, writing a list of aims to improve my attitude is ridiculous.

I think that’s it.  Today is going to be a lazyish day.  I’m going to be productive in that I want to have my laundry done and my room tidied by this evening, but other than that I’m going to laze about and watch catch-up TV online, and hopefully take up the boymate on his offer of a sausage sarnie this afternoon when he’s dragged his hungover form from his bed.  I know this sounds pretty undermotivated after all the big ‘I am’s', but there’s method to my madness:  I have had zero sleep, and so any work I try and do will essentially be gobbledygook and a waste of time.  But if I manage to stay awake all day I should be able to get some zzz’s at a reasonable hour tonight and wake up tomorrow all freshfaced and ready to tackle some essay-writing, presentationy stuff.

Yes.

hana. 

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